Here I go...

One Adventure After Another!

Friday, April 19, 2019

Life is so Fleeting!




Those of you who follow me 
will remember a few weeks ago 
when I "divorced" my mother.

Soon after, I spoke with my niece.
She was overwhelmed and needed help. 
So I packed up the van 
and returned to mom's house, 
where I now am staying, 
caring for mom's house and her dog, Scooter. 
I'm visiting mom daily and doing her laundry. 
I'm paying mom's bills 
and picking up her mail. 
I'm helping.

Mom is in a nursing rehabilitation facility
 and isn't doing very well. 
Her broken bones are healing, 
but she is not eating, losing weight, 
and growing more and more frail by the day.

I do not regret the week I spent away 
because if nothing else, 
I think it gave her time to think 
about how things would be 
if I DID go away forever. 
Who would care for her?
It also gave me time to write 
and let go of feelings 
I had buried for years. 

I have heard mom tell me she loves me 
and appreciates me 
more times in the past 2 weeks 
than I have in all of my 66 years.  
It has softened my heart
and has been very healing.

It's difficult to stay angry at someone 
who is fading away. 
It's sad love took this many years 
to manifest.

I brought mom home 
for a couple of hours yesterday 
and we both realized 
there was no way she was ready to be home. 

I managed to lift the heavy wheelchair 
out of the trunk,
 and to get her out of the car seat 
and into the wheelchair. 
I'm no spring chicken and it wasn't easy for me. 
I realized I could not lift that chair
 or mom on a regular basis. 
Mom is so weak, 
she can't stand for more than a moment,
 and helping her to the bathroom or into the bed, 
even as slight as she is, 
would be too difficult for me. 
I would risk hurting myself trying to help her. 
Then we'd both be in a pinch!

Mom did enjoy her few hours at home. 
We sat out on the back porch in the sun. 
She smoked about 1/4 of a cigarette, 
then decided she had quit 
and wouldn't smoke again. 
This was a good thing. 
She asked me to pour her a Pepsi,
 and after a sip or two was finished. 
She ate one grape. 
She took a bite of string cheese and spit it out. Nothing tasted right, she said. 

She closed her eyes 
put her head back,
and soaked up the warm sun. 
She said it felt so good!

I wheeled mom into her office 
and put her in front of her desk. 
She went through her mail. 
We called the bank 
and she balanced her checkbook, 
something she usually does 
every couple of days.

Mom wanted to lay in her bed 
so I wheeled her into her bedroom. 
That was an adventure, 
as she didn't have the strength to lift herself. 
The bed was too high, 
so she laid across it 
and I managed to lift her legs up onto the bed, 
then roll her into the middle. 
After about 1/2 hour, 
she was ready to return to the nursing facility 
and it depressed her, 
as she realized she wasn't yet ready to be home.

Unless mom begins eating soon, 
I can't see how she will ever come home 
from the facility.
 Each meal she manages to get about 1 bite down. 
She complains that food makes her want to vomit,
 and she just can't get it down. 
She won't drink Ensure, 
and has trouble getting down anything but water. 
She is losing weight steadily 
and her clothes are falling off. 
She is cold all the time, 
having no fat on her body at all. 

I feel she is in the process of dying and it's sad. 
Now that I'm no longer angry,
 I'm remembering more of the good times 
and fewer of the bad.  

My prayer is that mom either begins eating, 
grows stronger so she can return home, 
or that if it's her time,
she dies peacefully in her sleep. 
I hate the thought of her suffering.

This has really made me consider again
how fragile and how fleeting life is.

I've always been grateful for my life, 
but it's even more precious now.
You wake up one day 
and you're 21 and full of energy,
and then you wake up the next day 
and you're 84 and failing.

When this chapter of my life closes, 
I plan on doing more volunteering,
more traveling, 
spending more time with my family.

More time loving.
More time laughing.
More time living.

Happy Trails,
Annie



Thursday, April 04, 2019

Early Rising


It's 4 am,
the time my eyes open each morning.

The earth is quiet 
and most of the world 
is still sleeping.

I walk out onto the front porch
and gaze up.
The black velvet sky is full of stars.
I feel peace
as I gaze into the endless void.
I am a tiny speck of dust,
but I AM,
and I give thanks.

I breathe in the cool darkness,
and a million points of light
become arrows 
that fly down and pierce
bubbles of sorrow 
hiding in my heart.
As each illusion pops,
sorrow turns to joy. 
My heart beats to the healing grace
of transformation.
And I give thanks.

Back in the house,
I open the coffee bean jar.
I close my eyes,
put my face into the opening
and breathe deeply. 
It smells crisp and brown.
The scent clears my sleepy mind,
sharpens my senses,
and I give thanks.

The coffee maker
crackles and chatters
as it spits the inky ambrosia
through its belly,
hot and strong,
just for me,
and I give thanks.

I sit and hold the warm cup
between my two hands.
Watching out the window,
I breathe and wait. 
One sip, then another,
full and rich.
My taste buds do a happy dance
and I give thanks.

The desert birds
begin their morning song.
Dove, Quail, Owl, Sparrow, 
Roadrunner and Crow,
twitter their plans for the day,
sharing their secrets,
telling their tales,
and I give thanks.

Soon, rays of colored light cross the horizon.
The palette is generous,
the colors like a warm salve.
I feel the heat on my face,
 and as the cracks in my broken soul
begin to mend,
I give thanks.

I take account
and there's no doubt.

Life!
Light!
Sunrise!
Sunset!
Nature!
Love!
Laughter!
Health!
Family!
Friends!
These are the gifts I treasure,

And I give thanks!



Wednesday, April 03, 2019

Lions and Tigers and Morton's Neuroma - Oh my!


Yesterday before my hike, 
the pad of my foot was hurting 
just a little.
By the end of the hike, 
it was swollen and hot.

After lots of online research, 
I believe I have what's called 
Morton's Neuroma.

The good news is
 it may resolve itself.
The other good news is 
several of my friends
have dealt with this 
and are giving me good advice.

The bad news is 
it hurts like heck to walk!
For me, that's a serious thing!

Sooo.... my plan now is 
to stay off the foot,
ice it,
use essential oils and ibuprofen,
do lots of healing visualization,
and hope for the best.

If it doesn't resolve 
by the time I get back to Oregon,
then I'll go see a doctor.

However,
 I have faith in my body to heal itself.

What a weird thing to pop up on my foot?

Sometimes getting older can be a challenge!

Oh well, 
this forces me to sit
and do more writing and art,
so it's not ALL bad!

Happy Trails,
Annie


Tuesday, April 02, 2019

Somewhere in Indio Hills

Joe and I took a nice hike today in a place he asked me to describe as "somewhere in the Indio Hills."  ::laughing:: He likes to keep things close to the vest. 

On the drive to the trail, this was the beautiful view; fields and fields of desert dandelions with Mt. San Jacinto in the background!



Desert Dandelion - Malacothrix glabrata



With all the rain we've had,
the desert is teeming with wildlife!

At the beginning of the trail, I saw some movement, 
and there was a little Southern Horned Toad Lizard 
hiding in the sand.
I picked him up, then sat him down
and he scurried away.

Can you see him?


Here is a photo from the internet that shows him more clearly:


Later, we saw quite a large 
Fringe Toed Lizard
scurrying up a dune.

Photo from the internet
There was lots of Wild Heliotrope,
also known as 
Scorpionweed,
not only for the way it looks,
but for the blisters it leaves on 
some people's skin!

Blue Phacelia - Wild Heliotrope - Scorpion Weed

The Burro Bush was blooming, with nice fat flower heads.  
Ambrosia dumosa - Burro Bush
We saw lots of Freemont Pin Cushions.


The Creosote Bushes were also blooming.
This plant smells like creosote 
when you crush the leaves.
It puts out that wonderful perfume 
when it rains in the desert.

Creosote Bush
I love the looks 
of the Sand Blazing Star
with its delicate cream petals.

Mentzelia involucrata - Sand Blazing Star
Joe found a bee hive in the bank of the wash.
The bees were busy with all the blooming flowers,
so busy there was wax and honey dripping
out of the hive!
If you make this FULL SCREEN,
you can see all the bees.



With all the wildflowers,
there is also an invasion of
Painted Lady Caterpillars 
and Butterflies!
They start out small like this little guy.


Then get fat as my little finger,
and cover the streets and trails.


You literally can't walk without
having to swerve to avoid them.
Soon, they turn into pretty painted ladies!
THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF THEM!

Photo from internet

It was a great walk and a beautiful day!

Now to get back to the drawing table
and finish up my latest pet portrait.

Happy Trails!
Annie