Jean Luc

My portrait of Jean Luc is coming along. 

Tomorrow I'll work on the chest fur 

and then do the highlights 

and I may be finished by Wednesday!

I took the steri-strips off of my incision today. 

They were just driving me mad.

Those, along with the feeling

that I have wash cloths rolled up and 

stuck under my arms -

I had to make something better,

and the steri-strips were the only thing

I had control over.

The incision is healing nicely.

It's a little scary having the steri-strips off,

but I feel less bound up.

This week I'm packing up

and getting ready for my temporary move 

to Portland.

Joe has been kind enough to rent me his condo

for a few months 

while I go to physical therapy and finish healing.

I'm not sure how long that will last -

we'll just play it by ear,

but I'm expecting to stay at least 2 months,

maybe longer.

It will be nice to have my 'own' space again,

where I can get back on my diet,

take my supplements more regularly,

and stretch and do yoga and weight training

to get back my strength.

Oregon is beautiful this time of year,

and I'm really enjoying it!

Thanks to Cameron and Michael

for taking care of me before, during, and after my surgery!

I'm going to miss them,

and I'm going to miss my "grand-dogs,"

Data and Jean Luc!

Life is good!

Love,

Annie

Starting a New Drawing as I Recover

Well, my two days of "do nothing" are up today and so I began a new drawing. This one is of Jean Luc, my son's wonderful Golden Retriever.

I took about 2 to 3 hours 

deciding what colors to use on him. 

I watched a video my teacher made 

on Golden Retrievers and for the most part 

I will be using the colors she suggests. 

There are a few changes in his coat colors.

Here is my color chart 

which doesn't include eyes or nose.

 Lots of colors in a Golden Retriever!

Before I drew on the Pastelmat, 

I did a quick mock-up with pencil

 on printer paper, 

just to make sure I had the right size.

Next I drew the cartoon on Pastelmat.

Then I began by working on his left eye.

I just wanted to feel like I had started.

I will get much more done tomorrow.

But here is Jean Luc for tonight:

Today is the 19th day 

since my Double Mastectomy.

I'm healing up well.

I have good range of motion 

and can move my arms in most directions.

I have to move them slow 

when reaching above my head,

and if I put my hands behind my head 

to make "chicken wings" 

it is difficult to open the elbows.

So I do need some physical therapy 

and stretching,

but don't want to do too much 

too soon

and split my incision.

I tend to lift things, 

then realize I shouldn't.

It's hard for me to be still so much.

I'm generally a very busy person.

I'll be happy to get back to the pencils tomorrow.

As far as pain goes, 

it's weird. 

Most of the pain I feel now is 

under my arms, which are swollen.

My chest over the incision 

is still numb, 

though it feels like when you go to the dentist

and get a shot, 

and feeling is just starting to return.

I plan on doing a lot of massage

to get those nerves to reconnect.

I believe it can be done.

But I need to be patient and wait

until my incision is healed completely.

I still have the steri-strips on the incision.

They are supposed to fall off on their own.

I shower every morning 

and "hope" they'll come off,

but they must have superglued 

those suckers on!

Anyway, that's the update.

I have an appointment 

with my surgeon on Monday.

I'm hoping she will send me 

to Physical Therapy soon.

That's all for now.

Stay safe!

Love,

Annie

The BEST Mother's Day EVER!

WARNING:  PHOTO OF MY SURGICAL SITE BELOW

****

Sorry about yesterday's whining. I don't do it often, and yesterday was probably my most depressing day since my diagnosis.  I began calling the office at 8am, asking if I could get the drains removed. Yesterday at 2 pm I FINALLY got a call from my doctor's office that I could get the drains out. They got me an appointment in Tualatin, an hour's drive away, for 3:30 pm.  Holy HELL!  I didn't even have time for a shower. I jumped into some clothes and my son drove me to the clinic.

Getting the drains out was a piece of cake. They basically just clipped the stitch holding the tubing in, and pulled about 10 inches of tubing out of me. The only problem was that the skin on both sides had grown over the stitch, so the stitches were difficult to remove. The feeling when they pulled those tubes out was so weird. I was shocked at how long the tubes were, and I could feel them up in my armpits as they were coming out.

What an immediate relief!

I came home, sat out in Cam and Michael's beautiful back yard. 

They had wine. 

I had a juice drink, 

and we soaked up the beauty of the setting sun.

I had not slept in 3 nights 

and so I did take one of the Oxycodone pills I had left 

and man, oh man, I slept like a baby!

I woke up this morning, showered, 

and for the first time in months, put on a bit of make up.

I'm ordered to do "absolutely nothing" for 48 hours 

so as not to start draining again.  

So today and tomorrow are reading and television days.

Now that the drains are out, I can wear my long line surgical bras from Masthead. These are very comfortable and are compression bras that help with the bloat and swelling.  I weighed myself in the doctor's office yesterday and with all my clothes on weighed 160, which means I'm probably at 155 without my breasts, which means I've put back on the weight I had lost. And it's a little weird seeing all the "turkey skin" under my arms from lack of exercise. When you're my age, it doesn't take long to lose muscle tone. BUT, now that I'm on the other side of this surgery and healing, I can get back into a good KETO diet and exercise routine soon. I'm feeling hopeful again.

The paper dressing on my incision still has not fallen off. I'm told it will fall off on its own as I heal, so that's the next big thing I'm waiting for. I am still numb, but the numbness is receding. I'm doing daily meditation and visualization and light massage to stimulate the nerves to grow back together. Also, my daughter in law, who is an excellent energy healer, has been working on me, which is a tremendous help.

So here are some updated photos -- looking pretty good.

I'm excited to heal enough to do some walking, 

and if the Camino opens up, 

still planning to walk in Holy Year 2021.

Life is GOOD again today.

Healing nicely. Happy to have the drains out.

• 

  • Love my long line surgical compression bras!

Feeling Depressed - I Want These OUT!

WARNING:  GRAPHIC PHOTO
*****


Yesterday was two weeks since my surgery and the past three nights have been hard.  The drains are driving me mad. There is one drain on each side under my ribcage. The tubes are held there with a stitch into my skin.

The purpose of the drains is to carry fluid off the incision site so I don't develop a seroma, a collection of fluid UNDER the skin, which can be painful and needs to be drained with a needle. So I do understand the drains are necessary.

But TWO WEEKS!?  I need these out!

I am VERY sensitive to any kind of tape. I actually had open wounds, then scabs where the hospital taped a dressing over the tubes on the left side. That is what those two red spots are below the tubing in the photo.

I switched to bandaids, then "sensitive" paper tape, but as you can see, the skin is hot, red, itchy and painful.

Add to that the inability to lay on my side at night, and I haven't had a good night's sleep since I quit the Oxycodone.  I have to lay flat on my back in a position with my arms up on pillows on each side, and I have to be VERY careful that these freaking tubes, which when hanging go literally down to my ankles, don't get caught on anything and yanked out.

I'm so DONE with drains.

I've emailed my doctor and BEGGED her to get these out before the weekend.
I'm getting right around 20 ml each morning now, so hopefully she will agree.
I know I'm whining, but I'm exhausted.
The incision that goes entirely across my chest is not as painful
as these freaking drains!

I want them OUT!

Day 13

Well, it's Day 13 and I'm getting a little weary of these danged drains!

I'm told when they put out less than 20 ml in 48 hours, I can have them removed. I am counting the minutes!

I went for a chest x-ray yesterday to see if there's anything causing this chronic cough I've had since having the flu (possibly COVID) in February. It came back normal except for a calcified node that's been there over 60 years from when I had Valley Fever as a child.

Otherwise, it looked good.

I'm tired of sitting around. My doctor doesn't want me exercising except for walking and the rain manages to put a damper on that. However, my bedroom is on the 2nd floor and I probably hike up those steps two dozen times a day. So I'm counting that as exercise. I'm also doing some stretching. My range of motion is actually pretty good except first thing in the morning when I feel like I am wearing a steel bra and my hands feel like footballs.

To humor myself, I dragged out my art supplies and worked on this little piglet this week.  He turned out pretty cute.

Tomorrow I hope to start on a pet portrait 

of my son's Golden Retriever, 

Jean Luc. 

I'm missing my van,

but there's no way I can go back to it 

until I'm completely healed. 

I have to keep this huge incision site clean,

and that would be impossible in the van.

Also impossible would be 

managing these freaking drains

coming out the sides of my body.

I hope you are all doing well,

and staying safe

during this crazy pandemic.

I'm still not sure when the Camino will open up

and whether or not we'll be able to do

our Holy Year walk,

but I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed,

and hoping for the best.

I'm sure we'll know something 

by the end of the year.

I guess that's all for now.

Life is GOOD!

Annie

Day 6 Post Op

Beautiful pano view from my son's front porch

Today is 6 days after my surgery.

I've stopped taking most of the pain meds.

Yesterday I was STUPID and did WAY too much.

I vacuumed upstairs and downstairs.

Today I'm certainly feeling it.

I'm a bit swollen and sore in the armpits

and across my incision.

So today I'm taking it easy.

I'm finding it difficult to sit in front of the tv.

I think I've watched 

everything there is to watch on Netflix.

So I'm getting a lot of genealogy 

catch-up work done on ancestry.com.

Tomorrow I need to get out my art supplies 

and get back to drawing.

Oh, and I'm going for a chest x-ray.

I had a really bad flu in February.

I honestly believe it was Covid-19.

But ever since then 

I've had a cough when I breathe deep.

I am coughing up some green guck, 

mostly in the mornings.

So we just want to be sure 

it's nothing to worry about.

Otherwise, life is good.

Lots of sunbreaks here - 

Spring has sprung in Dallas, Oregon.

The view from my bedroom window

and from my son's front porch

is spectacular!

Stay safe, folks.

Sending out love,

Annie

View from my bedroom window

The BEST News Ever!

Yesterday afternoon I got the best news 

since this began.

My surgical nurse called 

with the results of my post op lab work.

:::drumroll:::

The lymph nodes were CLEAR.

The tumor had shrunk to 

5% 

(yes FIVE PERCENT!) 

of it's original size.

Dr. Johnson got it ALL 

and there were CLEAR MARGINS!

There was NO EVIDENCE OF CANCER 

in any of the rest of the tissue.

This is the BEST news I could have!

It makes it all worth it.

Now, I'm supposed to be on Letrozole 

for 5 years, then I'm done.

I'm trying to decide if or if not 

I'll stay on the Letrozole.

The side effects since they changed the brand 

are difficult.

I was originally on TEVA brand 

and didn't feel any side effects.

Then the brand changed 

because the pharmacy changed their contract,

and BOOM!  

Side effects hit like a bomb!

This could be 

because it was early in the game, 

and the side effects took a while to manifest, 

or it could be the off-brand's dyes and fillers. 

There's really no way to know 

until I get back on the TEVA. 

But I really suspect, with my MCS, 

it's the dyes and fillers in the off-brand.

My beautiful bright yellow little 

sunshine pill 

is now a dusky dark ugly orange thing 

that seems to make me ache all over.

Whichever brand, 

the common side effects of Letrozole 

are well documented.

It most likely WILL give me osteoporosis, 

and WILL most likely ruin my teeth.

It makes me ache in the mornings.

My feet feel like they have knives in them.

I'm just not sure if I'm willing 

to live 5 years with this.

I have found a pharmacy 

that will get the TEVA brand Letrozole 

beginning on May 1 

so I promised my surgeon 

I would try it for a month.

Then we'll see...

I'm VERY convinced that the supplements along with the guided visualization I did also had a lot to do with the tumor shrinking. Now that surgery is over, and I'm almost finished with the post op meds, I'll get back to my KETO diet, my supplements, and will continue the guided visualization.

Anyway, I also woke up to my stimulus check, 

so today is also going to be 

a VERY GOOD DAY!

I hope your day is good too!

Love,

Annie

Day 5 Post Op - Bruised and Sore

WARNING:  GRAPHIC PHOTOS








I woke up this morning stiff and sore.
The area around my armpits is very hard and swollen.
It took me a while to gently stretch things out so I could move.

My belly is also VERY swollen, which is weird.
I feel like Buddha.
I'll have to ask the doctor about that.
I usually have a fairly flat stomach.
I wonder what that's about?
Are my muscles just not working?

I'm still quite bruised on mysides.
It's interesting how the bruising stops
at my panty line.

My left drain did not leak last night so I'm hoping that issue is solved.

I am loving my new bras.

Today I'm returning some things I purchased that I will never use including the following:

 1) Pregnancy pillow- it was just "too much" and ended up on the floor each night. I suggest you just use the pillows you have. Maybe buy a few smaller softer pillows for your arms. I HAVE enjoyed the wedge pillow. I stand it up to lean against to watch tv or write during the day and lay it down to sleep at night.

2) Bidet. I was worried I wouldn't be able to wipe my butt. I have short arms and had problems when I fell and hurt my ribs 2 years ago. But these are different muscles and it was absolutely no problem. We never even installed it.

3) Shower Chair. Maybe if you are having reconstruction you might need this, or if you are very heavy. But I didn't need it at all. I was perfectly able to get a shower alone on the second day after surgery.

4) Mastectomy top. I kept one but returned one because the snap broke the first day.

Today I'm going to clean my bedroom, do some laundry, and take a short walk, and try to get some of the belly swelling to go down. Maybe try some gentle leg lifts and crunches. 

For those on this journey, here is a photo of Day 5.

New Bras Arrived Today - Masthead Elizabeth Pink Surgery Bras

So I spent some serious cash 
on 4 new bras from Masthead.

These are specifically 
mastectomy surgery bras.

I ordered two 
Elizabeth Pink Surgery Bras.

These have strong velcro closures 
in the front, 
on the top straps, 
and on the sides
so they are totally adjustable
while I'm so swollen.

Easy to put on
and take off.

They have hoops that open, 
so you have a place to hang your drains.
Once the drains are gone,
you simply cut off the ribbon
and hoops.

These arrived today and I love them. 

I also ordered two 

long-line surgery bras.

These are also surgery bras, 

except they are long, 

nearly to the waist.

These have a pocket 

for ice packs or inserts,

and are to use 

after the drains are removed.

They will arrive in two days:

Here is one YouTube video 

about the bras.

There are others.

Here is how you measure

and a little more info. 

This is actually a training video:

I probably spent more $$$ 

on these bras

than on any other item 

for this surgery.

They were worth it.

I wanted something that would

protect my scar 

and that is easy to adjust

during my healing.

These are perfect!

Day 4 Post Op - Feeling Whiney

WARNING: GRAPHIC PHOTOS and text
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Well it's the morning of Day 4, and last night was probably the worst night since surgery. It was difficult getting to sleep because I just felt uncomfortable.  That is most likely because I've stopped taking the Oxycodone (just don't want to get hooked on it) and switched to Ibuprofen. 

I feel "whiney" today. I'm experiencing some minor issues, but because I don't feel good, they FEEL major.

The left drain just isn't cooperating. It hasn't been putting out much liquid, and it leaks at the entrance site. This has led to me trying many things, and going through a lot of clothing.  I tried a bandaid, and sponge gauze. Neither worked. I tried putting a POISE pad (feminine urinary incontinence pad) under the tubing, and the liquid flowed right down under it. I tried putting the Poise pad OVER the tubing and the liquid flowed right down over it, on the plastic side. I finally cut a slit in the pad and slid it up over the tubing and that has seemed to work. Poor Cameron (my son) said it was pretty embarrassing buying POISE pads.  Hahaha!  Michael, his husband, grew up with a bunch of sisters, so for him, "no problem." But Cam had 2 brothers so this is his first experience.  ::laughing::

Anyway, I think that left tube is blocked or something. I have "stripped it" every couple of hours, but it seems to suck up instead of let down, so I'm pretty sure there's a clot in there. I called my surgeon and she said it was annoying, but no problem so far, so I'll try to ignore it. She said just keep stripping it.

The skin under my RIGHT arm and next to my RIGHT armpit (not the cancer side) is hard and swollen and sore.  I got a shower, and gently massaged my armpit with soapy hands.  It helped. 

I have a Buddha Belly. 

No, really, it's horrible!

I don't know if it's because my boobs are gone, or if I'm just too tired to hold in my gut, or if I've been eating too much crap food, but my belly is REALLY sticking out. Like a little old man with skinny legs and a fat belly.  THAT has got to go! I've started gentle exercises given to me by my PT lady. And as soon as I can, I need to get out and walk and do some crunches. Holy Hell!

When I got out of the shower today, I put on some fake eyebrows. That made me laugh because I put them on crooked, as my right arm won't lift high enough.  Anyway, it was fun, and I felt a bit more human afterwards. 

Here is my surgery after 4 nights. Looking pretty darned ok really.  Just quite a bit of bruising still. But the stitches are looking good and she really did a nice flat closure. Still waiting for my lab results. Praying for clear margins and clear lymph nodes!

PS: Just spoke with my nurse who reminded me I took the ON-Q pain pump out yesterday (because it was finished) and that's probably why I feel the more dramatic change between yesterday and today. Duh!

We went over everything and all is well. It can only get better!

Documenting blisters

I just want to document the blisters I'm getting from the paper tape on my drain sites. Sorry for the graphic quality but this is the best place.  I've talked to many gals this afternoon who have had the same issue. Most suggested to just take off the dressings and cover the drain sites with a band aid or a stretch bra.

 Tonight I've taken off the paper tape and am holding the sponge gauze with some self-adhering 3M stretch tape - not sure what it's called. Seems to be holding ok.

Tomorrow I can have a shower in the afternoon, at which time I'll take off the dressings completely and just put a bandaid on the site.

Sorry again, but here are some of the blisters.
The bottom blister broke.
I've got these on both the right and left sides of my body on both drain sites.
They are very painful.
This is a result of my Multiple Chemical Sensitivities.
I just can't use any type of paper or surgical tape on my body without a reaction.
The clear tape seems to be ok.
I had Cameron cut away the tape that was covering the bisters until tomorrow :

Day 2 After Surgery

WARNING! GRAPHIC PHOTOS
***




Well, it's Day 2 after surgery and I thought I'd check in. I want to keep notes on this journey not only for myself, but for others who are going through it or will be going through it.

On the day of surgery, my son Cameron dropped me off in front of the hospital. Because of the pandemic, he was not allowed to come into the hospital with me.  A man at the desk just inside the door took my temperature, put a tag on my jacket saying I'd been screened, and pointed the way to the check-in desk.

Check in was easy. Just had to show my Medicare and Oregon Health Plan cards and make sure all my personal info was correct. Then I was taken to a surgery waiting room.

I was the only person there when I arrived. During my wait, 2 other women came in. It was strange. We didn't speak to each other. It felt a little sad.

After about 30 minutes, a nurse came to collect me and took me to my little cubby where a bed was waiting. I was instructed to undress completely and put on a gown, then get into bed.  There was a very interesting blanket to keep me warm. It felt like it was made of paper, had tubes and a long hose that filled the tubes with warm air. It felt like I was being covered by a warm cloud.

My vitals were taken and I then waited for the anesthesiologist to arrive. He asked a lot of questions, then left.

Soon after, Dr. Nathalie Johnson arrived with a big smile on her face. I can't help but just love that woman so much!

We had a deal that I could remind her where my now tiny tumor had been. I did that and she marked my skin. And then she drew a big heart on my shoulder. She asked me how I was feeling and told me we'd start very soon. The nurse had asked if I needed a valium, which Dr. Johnson had offered. I said no, I was ok.

The anesthesiologist came in next. He rolled me out of the cubby and toward surgery. There were signs posted everywhere to "be sure and give antibiotics now." We laughed about that. He gave me something he said would relax me. We went into an elevator and that's the last I remember. I don't remember going out of the elevator! So I didn't get the chance to hear Dr. Johnson sing me to sleep. 

I woke up in Recovery and was in and out of consciousness.

Soon I was taken to my room, where over a few hours, I woke up.

People kept asking if I was in pain.

I was not.

Within an hour or so, I needed to get up to use the toilet.

My CNA was wonderful. 

Her name was Priscilla and she was from Northern Africa.

I believe she said Libya

but honestly, I was so drugged up I can't recall.

She helped me to the bathroom.

I was surprised they let me get up so soon.

While in the bathroom, I was able to look into the mirror

to see my surgery site.

I was very happy 

at the way it looked.

Nice and flat, as promised!

I was offered some jello and yogurt.

Both were way too sweet, 

but I ate a little

and didn't have any problems,

so I was able to order dinner.

I think I had a salad,

but I can't remember.

I stayed in the hospital that night.

I had several different nurses.

I had a difficult time sleeping

because my oximeter kept going off.

I'd look at it and my oxygen would be down in the 50's!

Over and over and over this happened,

until one nurse figured out what was going on

and gave me an oxygen cannula to wear. 

Then I finally got some sleep.

I was told after I heal

I should be checked for sleep apnea.

This COULD be why I never feel very rested

in the mornings. 

So I will be sure to follow up on this.

The next morning I got a new nurse.

He was a crack up and a real sweetheart.

Another African, this time from Cameroon,

he told me his name was Bono,

but his OTHER name was 

THBH,

which stood for 

Tall, Handsome, Black and Humble!

Hahahaha!

I loved him

He was an excellent nurse!

My dressing where the drains were kept leaking,

so he had to change my dressings 

and my bed twice.

I felt bad because of the extra work,

but

he was so pleasant and told me not to worry.

I woke up at 4 am,

my usual time,

and had coffee.

Breakfast came at 6:30.

By 11 am I was ready to go home!

I had some lunch so they could give me my meds

before the drive to Dallas.

Bono went over my post-op instructions.

I was given an ON-Q pump for pain.

What it looks like empty.

This delivers pain medicine for 3-5 days.

It is preset so I don't have to push any buttons.

As it delivers the medicine, the ball inside

gets smaller and smaller.

Once it is empty

I simply pull out the tiny tubes,

which are taped, not sewn,

into my incision site.

What it looks like full of medicine

I think this is a great tool that anyone having any type of surgery

could ask for.

In addition, 

I was given nerve blocking injections

before surgery AFTER I was out.

And I was given prescriptions for 

3 drugs:

Oxycodone - general pain

Gabapenton - nerve pain

Cephalexin - an antibiotic

So far, I've been able to keep on top of the pain.

It really hasn't been bad and I'm surprised!

I think women who do NOT have reconstruction 

do much better with the pain.

I understand the expanders they put in

really can cause not only pain

but other issues that I just was not

willing to have.

I think even if I were only 30,

I would just go Flat and Fabulous!

So... that's it.

I'm home now at my son Cameron's house.

He and Michael are taking great care of me.

I was worried about the dogs.

They have a mixed breed labrador mutt

and a golden retriever who is really just a puppy.

The puppy usually jumps,

but he's been very careful around me,

like he knows.

Here is a photo of me right after surgery.

Sorry about the grouchy look on my face.

I was drugged up with Oxy and other pain meds.

My surgeon did a WONDERFUL job!

I'm very pleased with the results.

I'll see more tomorrow when I shower

and take the bandage off,

but for now it looks like this:

And that's it!

Tomorrow I can shower.

In a couple of days I can remove the two front tiny tubes

that are giving me pain meds.

In a few more days,

I can have the drains removed.

Then I just have to take it easy until I heal.

Piece of cake!

I forgot to mention,

Cameron's husband Michael

helped me change my dressing today.

That is a wonderful son-in-law!

That is love.