The Last Few Kilometers

I think Mike is walking the last few kilometers today.
I wish he was sailing instead of walking.
The walking is awfully hard on him.
He seems to be in so much pain.

The nurse has told us she believes we are talking about hours, not days.
I have called his daughter to come from the coast if she wants to see him one last time.

He took a sudden turn this afternoon and has been in the bed unconscious since about 2 pm.

The hiccoughs have finally stopped, but he is loudly moaning with each breath.

We have had nurses here or calling about every 2 hours.

He has been given Ativan and Morphine, which pretty much did nothing.

He is now on Haldol to try to calm his agitation.
It doesn't seem to be working very well.
The nurse walked out the door and his moaning got louder and louder.

Deep breath -- loud moan...
Deep breath -- loud moan...
Deep breath -- loud moan...

I understand end stage liver disease, especially with cirrhosis, often ends like this.
It's a very tough thing to put the family through, and I'm fighting feelings of anger mixed with my sorrow.

I sent mom to bed about 11 pm - and hopefully she's getting some well-deserved sleep.

I think I've had a total of 3 hours this night. But I'll wait up with him until mom is up.
I'm hoping she will sleep until 7 am at least.

I wish we had more relief, but I'm very grateful for the hospice nurses.
We couldn't have done this without them.

I've put on a pot of coffee...
and am praying this gets easier for all of us.